Make Gor No More!

The terribly named movie Gor is an awful movie. This 1987 attempt at sword and sorcery  is based on the John Norman novel Tarnsman of Gor from 1966, an attempt to tap into the magic of Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. This movie was no doubt inspired by the relative success of Conan the Barbarian in the early 80's which spawned a host of such movies during the decade. 

Gor fails on almost every measure one can imagine. The acting is by and large awful with a chap named Urbano Barberini in the role of "Tarl Cabot", an Earthly professor who by dint of a magic ring ends up suddenly on the barbaric world of Gor where slavery is not only rampant but presented as a virtue, especially for women who are said to thrive in such circumstances. The top chick in this one is "Talena" played by Rebecca Ferrati and it's safe to say her breasts are the best special effect in the movie. Waiting for a nipple to pop loose is one of the main reasons to watch this thing. Surprisingly the villains in this piece are portrayed by some mighty good actors such as Paul Smith as a thug named "Surbus" who mugs not unlike he did for Bluto in Robert Altman's Popeye movie. The uber-villain is portrayed by Oliver Reed who plays this mad sadist king at times with subtlety and at other moments with a grandiose flair. The movie wraps with the Cabot having become a hero despite his many flaws and deficiencies and also returned to Earth just as he was about to get a good look at Taleena's charms. Oh and as a tease Jack Palance shows up in the end just to glower and hint at schemes to come.  

Those schemes arrive in Outlaw of Gor from 1988. This is based (supposedly) on the second Gor novel of the same name. I watched this one in its MST 2000 version and the bots have a good old time with the stupidities running rampant. Cabot of course returns to Gor, this time bringing a nerdy friend along named "Watney Smith". Gor is doing pretty nicely when Tarl gets back and Taleena still looks smoking hot, but soon the king is assassinated by the evil Queen Lara who is assisted by the Priest-King Xenos played by Jack Palance. The Queen puts the crime on Tarl and he has to skip out into the desert helped by his little buddy named "Hup". The fall into the grasp of some slavers (the scene where slavers are chasing some victims in the desert is stunningly stupid) but nevertheless prevail and return in time to undo the Queen's deadly plots and save Taleena. This time Tarl gets to stay on Gor but sadly Watney is left back on Earth where the cops take an interest. 

They never made another of these Gor movies thank heaven. These are really crummy movies and having said that I recommend them only for the laugh factor. Watching the pain on the faces of Oliver Reed and Jack Palance as they try to negotiate the blocking and escaped these movies is priceless. Palance in particular seems to want to get out of the movie as soon as possible. 

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