Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol!

Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol has long been the holiday special I most wanted to have for my very own. For some reasons or other it has eluded me for years, until now. I picked it up some few years along with several other holiday hits like the venerable Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (my childhood favorite) and Frosty the Snowman. The other cartoon special I cotton to is A Charlie Brown Christmas. 

Jim Backus is as always amazing as the myopic blundering Magoo. While once a radio, movie and television personality of some note, it's clear that Mr. Magoo will be his legacy to us all. 

Certainly no one needs to be told this story of a greedy miser who lives only for his wealth at the expense of all those around him and even, as he learns, himself.

A man who sees himself as a young boy and young man disappointed by those around him and who seeks solace in his accumulated wealth and relative comfort.

He discovers that others enjoy the holiday despite their meager incomes and circumstances, and they celebrate those parts of life which are not dependent upon the cold vagaries of the marketplace.

And of course, he learns that he himself will die alone and little remembered at all, save as selfish old man who put himself above all else. 

But it is the miracle of this classic that Scrooge learns his lesson and changes his ways to become a different man who supposedly will live into a very different future. It is the kind of miracle that we can, each and every one of us choose each day to make a difference. It is a timeless tale, which speaks to all of us who get caught up in our own lives and forget that so many others in this world need our help and our attention.

So, you've unwrapped your presents, now enjoy the day and see to it that others do likewise. I'm going to try to myself. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to one and all! 

NOTE: This is a Revised Dojo Holiday Classic.   

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Is There A Santa Claus?

"Dear Editor, I am eight years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says "If you see it in The Sun it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus? 

Virginia O'Hanlon. 

 115 W.95th St"

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. 

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. 

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. 

 

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. 

No Santa Claus! Thank GOD! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. 

Francis P. Church 

The New York Sun

There's the famous letter and the response. It speaks to the hope that seems to spring up during this season each year. As for the letter let me tell a personal story. My eldest daughter's name is Virginia. While I was back in college I took her, still at a very tender age, with me to attend a lecture given by the late The Amazing Randi.  The late Randi was an infamous debunker, a man I much admired for calling out "paranormal" frauds from all corners. During his presentation, he might have gone a step too far for my personal tastes, or perhaps I made a poor choice to bring my beautiful girl. He announced to one and all that "No Virginia, there is NO Santa Claus".

I immediately snapped my head to my daughter, who was likewise looking up at me, her innocent eyes framed by her soft red hair filled with concern. So did many of the folks around us who knew her name. Luckily a bit of tomfoolery on my part, and others, healed the breach for the short time needed over the next few years. But it must have been a shock to a small child for a man who looked not unlike Saint Nick himself to suddenly and blatantly announce the death of the good old elf. Most of the year I don't believe in Santa Claus myself, it's utter claptrap of course. But for a few days each year around this time, I give in to my irrational soul and believe. So should you. 

Have a Merry Christmas, and be careful around debunkers this time of year. They're out there. 

NOTE: This is a Revised Dojo Holiday Classic.   

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Ten Tips To Spot A Bad Santa!

There is no doubt that Santa Claus is one of the most universal and benign characters in all the world. The very mention of Santa can bring smiles to the faces of children both young and old. But not all Santas are created equal.  There are signs that you might have a "Bad Santa" on your hands.  One is a Santa with a really crummy and marginally agressive attitude, like the one above, all angry and finger-pointing -- that's not what you ideally want in a Santa Claus.

Any Santa with a skull for a face is right out. These kind are relatively easy to spot and should be avoided at all costs. Watch out for their exceedingly sharp elbows.

Never trust a Santa who is packing heat. When Santa Claus takes out his automatic pistol and takes aim at your face, there's a reasonably good chance you have a bad Santa on your hands. Duck for the nearest safe cover and all the authorities at once.

If Santa tries to run you down, either with his sleigh or any other vehicle, it's a sign he is to be avoided. Keep your head on a swivel on Christmas Eve for sure, especially if you're elderly and have grandchildren. That's a favorite target of a Bad Santa.

Good Santas almost never join motorcycle clubs. The one-percenter lifestyle typically runs counter to the goals of a traditonal Santa Claus. There's less Meth.

Spotting a Santa Claus on a rooftop with an axe is a clear tip off that he might not be trustworthy. There's almost no reason for a Santa to need an axe to get into a house. If the axe is dripping, that's warrants extra caution.

On the more mundane side of things, be wary of chintzy Santas. These are very common alas and the secret shame of many families worldwide.

A Santa Claus who is forced to carry out his Christmas Eve duties at gunpoint is also a Santa who cannot be relied upon in most instances. Stick with more pliable types.

Santa Claus should never be Batman. That's never going to work...never.

And finally, if Santa wants to arrange you and your friends into a circle and have you join hands so that he can fill you with the "true spirit of Christmas" and there's talk of a...ahem... "Love-In", head for the hills quickly before anything gets unzipped. This is possibly the most dangerous kind of Santa and must be kept under a close watch. This is usually done by electing the perpetrator to Congress, but that trick doesn't always work.

Now go forth and enjoy the season -- knowing is half the battle. Santa will soon be on the move yet again. Merry Christmas to all! 

NOTE: This is a Dojo Holiday Classic.   

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The Adventure Of The Grumpy Elf!

It's the holiday season once again. Take it easy friends and relax during this time. And if you live in my neck of the woods try to stay warm. Today at my house it's scheduled to be a rainy day in the forty- degree Fahrenheit range, but by this time tomorrow it's scheduled to a mere four degrees (negative fifteen Celsius) with a wee bit of snow. 

For some true holiday detecting entertainment, here is an actual Sherlock Holmes Christmas-season story, take a gander at Arthur Conan Doye's "The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle".

NOTE: This is a Revised Dojo Holiday Classic.   

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The Private Life Of Sherlock Holmes!

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes is a Holmes film that carries a great deal of panache and that mostly comes from the fact it was written and directed by Billy Wilder. The film starring Robert Stephens as the great detective and Colin Blakely as his trusty biographer, was met at the time in 1970 with glowing reviews and some regard it as the best Sherlock Holmes film ever made. All this hullabaloo made me eager to see it. I have at long last had that pleasure, securing a copy from the folks at Kino-Lorber. My assessment is that the movie falls well short of its reputation. 

For one thing it's too long, clocking in at a cool two hours and five minutes. Like most movies that are too long and the product largely of one creative mind, it's relatively easy to find spots to cut. These kinds of projects often lack the perspective to see where precious words need not appear. The movie's plot is actually fairly simple. Holmes is ordered by his brother Mycroft (played wonderfully by Christipher Lee) to help guard a secret military project. He refuses but then gets involved with a lovely young woman looking for her husband. There are other details such as missing midgets, cages full of canaries, obscure Scottish castles, and a submarine. This movie does offer up the allure of Holmes confronting the Loch Ness monster mystery, but the solution is pretty humdrum and is even given away on the poster. (The poster is a humdinger by artist Robert McGinnis who offers up one of his exceedingly tempting semi-dressed dames.) 

The solution to the Loch Ness mystery (it's a secret military project) reminded me of the third issue of Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD in which pretty much the same solution is offered, and a bogus ghostly hound is bounding to boot. Steranko really smashed it all together quite neatly. 

Maybe in 1970 the actress Genevieve Page romping around 221 B Baker Street in the nude was provocative (they show nothing) but it's pretty mild by modern standards. Perhaps folks were provoked by the film's hints here and there that Sherlock Holmes might have a preference other than lovely women. There's little sizzle there for a modern audience. 

Don't get me wrong, this is a perfectly fine flick. It does the usual stuff that a Sherlock Holmes movie does and does it in a calm reflective manner, but it is hardly the finest Sherlock Holmes movie ever made. Any moviemaker who treads on this territory has to contend with the legends of Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce, and alas this one doesn't cut the mustard much in that regard. Though I was happy to see that Watson was treated as a buffoon as often as was the charming Bruce, something hardcore Sherlockians claim to hate. 

 Oh, and the Loch Ness Monster is a submarine. I'd say I was spoiling the plot but it's on the fricking poster. I do like that poster! 

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From Hell And Back!

The word I'd used to describe Alan Moore's and Eddie Campbell's From Hell is unrelenting. This bleak tale of the Jack the Ripper murders is presented with a rough-hewn realism that is simultaneously utterly symbolic. Campbell's style is rugged and rough but from those thin scratches comes a sense of the world as it is, not in any way romanticized. Moore's story is staggering in its detail, which seeks to put forth the theory that the Ripper killings were done to cover up the birth of a royal bastard by way of a local prostitute. The women killed were murdered to see that none of this truth came out. The murderer according to this story was Sir Willima Gull, the royal surgeon and he did his foul deeds under the direct orders of Queen Victoria herself and was assisted in covering up his crimes by the top men in the police force, who like Gull were Masons. 

Where From Hell succeeds most brilliantly is in its suggestion that the Ripper murders presage the 20th Century, a time when staggering violence in World Wars I and II will rip the common understanding of what it means to be civilized. We follow the mad Gull not only on his nighttime prowls to slay women, but we follow him into his mind where we get to share the bizarre visions which motivated him and all him to make some foul sense of his actions. He is a madman, and we are invited into his mad mind so that we can find meaning in these hellish acts, at least by his cracked terms. 

Moore and Campbell do an excellent job of humanizing the victims and many of the other various characters who populate the story. The women are seen in full view, not reduced to mere sex workers who prowl the night, but women who have had lives before the arrival of the Ripper. Many of those lives are tragic ones, the reason they find themselves isolated in the streets of London's Whitehall district. We also follow the policeman Aberline, who himself is a rich character beyond his search for the Ripper. He is a man of conflicting passions, though he seems to be an honest enough copper. 

The story of "Jack the Ripper" is told based on many sources, but also from Moore's and Campbell's imaginations. They make this story, which has been told and retold so many times that we all think we know it, come alive again with vivid details that elevate above the mere true crime or horror categories it often gets slammed into. This is a mythic tale of coming to terms with the modern world and in so many ways failing to do so. The story comes with copious notes that explain Moore's sources and his thinking in regard to certain sequences which are more speculative. 

The movie version starring Johnny Depp is not bad given the limits of the medium, but it fails to capture the bigness of this story, and truth told a single film cannot capture the complexity of this work regardless. Maybe a min-series would be the best way to bring this to the screen. 

Below are the covers of the series as they appeared in the 90's from Mad Love Publishing. 

It's a hefty tome to get the collected series from Top Shelf, but at forty bucks it's a relative bargain given the depth of this story. 

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Sherlock Holmes - Murder By Decree!

Murder by Decree is a robust 1979 movie with an exceedingly strong cast which purports to tell how Sherlock Holmes and Dr.John Watson confronted the malevolent violence of "Jack the Ripper".

The story is one familiar to anyone who might have seen From Hell based on the work of Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell puts forth the theory that the Ripper was actually working for Queen Victoria to cover up an affair by Prince Albert which produced a bastard heir to the throne. Sadly this knowledge does undermine the movie a bit, but it's clear from the beginning that both films are plowing the same territory.

Mason, Finlay, and Plummer

The most peculiar thing about the movie though is Christopher Plummer's decidedly different take on Sherlock Holmes himself. This Holmes is polite, thoughtful, emotional, and downright caring. Not the usual self-absorbed hyper-intellectual normally presented. And frankly I missed the old cantankerous Holmes. This character did not feel like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's detective for me despite Plummer's layered performance and despite the omnipresent deerstalker hat and Inverness cloak.

One oddity about this movie is the presence of Frank Finlay in the role of Lestrade, since Finlay had portrayed the ineffectual Scotland Yard man in another Ripper meets Holmes film, specially A Study in Terror. Watching these two back to back, it was odd to see Finlay show up again among a different cast and in a very different atmosphere.  Anthony Quayle is in both movies too, but plays radically different parts in each.

One of the delights of the movie is the portrayal of Dr.Watson by James Mason, who finds at once humor, feeling, and intelligence in the role. This Watson is no buffoon, but a man who seems oddly put upon by his friend Holmes but is very willing to support and work for him. My favorite scene in the movie might be the exchange between Holmes and Watson about the way he eats a pea. I know it sounds strange, but there you have it.

 NOTE: This is a Dojo Revised Classic Post. 

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