Sunday, December 24, 2017

Ten Signs Of A Really Bad Santa!


There is no doubt that Santa Claus is one of the most universal and benign characters in all the world. The very mention of Santa can bring smiles to the faces of children both young and old. But not all Santas are created equal.  There are signs that you might have a "Bad Santa" on your hands.  One is a Santa with a really crummy and marginally agressive attitude, like the one above, all angry and finger-pointing -- that's not what you ideally want in a Santa Claus.



Any Santa with a skull for a face is right out. These kind are relatively easy to spot and should be avoided at all costs. Watch out for their exceedingly sharp elbows.




Never trust a Santa who is packing heat. When Santa Claus takes out his automatic pistol and takes aim at your face, there's a reasonably good chance you have a bad Santa on your hands. Duck for the nearest safe cover and all the authorities at once.


If Santa tries to run you down, either with his sleigh or any other vehicle, it's a sign he is to be avoided. Keep your head on a swivel on Christmas Eve for sure, especially if you're elderly and have grandchildren. That's a favorite target of a Bad Santa.


Good Santas almost never join motorcycle clubs. The one-percenter lifestyle typically runs counter to the goals of a traditonal Santa Claus. There's less Meth.


Spotting a Santa Claus on a rooftop with an axe is a clear tip off that he might not be trustworthy. There's almost no reason for a Santa to need an axe to get into a house. If the axe is dripping, that's warrants extra caution.



On the more mundane side of things, be wary of chintzy Santas. These are very common alas and the secret shame of many families worldwide.


A Santa Claus who is forced to carry out his Christmas Eve duties at gunpoint is also a Santa who cannot be relied upon in most instances. Stick with more pliable types.


Santa Claus should never be Batman. That's never going to work...never.


And finally, if Santa wants to arrange you and your friends into a circle and have you join hands so that he can fill you with the "true spirit of Christmas" and there's talk of a...ahem... "Love-In", head for the hills quickly before anything gets unzipped. This is possibly the most dangerous kind of Santa and must be kept under a close watch. This is usually done by electing the perpetrator to Congress, but that trick doesn't always work.


Now go forth and enjoy the season -- knowing is half the battle. Merry Christmas to all!

Rip Off

8 comments:

  1. I hope you have a nice Christmas, Rip, despite your sad loss this year.

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    1. It is a nice holiday. My girls and I are finding solace in one another and they have been especially thoughtful in their gifts to me and to each other. Lizzie is never far from our thoughts.

      Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.

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  2. Merry Christmas, Rip!
    Best to the family!

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    Replies
    1. Back at you Britt! Have a happy Holiday season and I hope Santa did you good. Happy New Year too.

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  3. Damn. I got quite carried away on the Xmas covers this year, and yet we only overlapped on 4 or 5 images. But, i really wish i'd found that first Crazy cover to use.
    'Tis glorious.

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    ReplyDelete

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