It Still Stings!

Last year's Green Hornet looked dreadful, so I stayed away from the theaters, then when it came out on DVD, I kept waiting for it to get cheaper before I picked up an obligatory copy to fill in my Hornet knowledge. I still haven't bought one.

Yesterday though, I got to finally see this movie on television all the way through (for free), I have to admit that it's even worse than I expected. This is arguably the worst "superhero" movie I've ever seen. It's slick enough and has some real production values, but the story is a disaster and the characterizations are at once insulting to the original material and just plain stupid to boot.

Seth Rogin as the Hornet is a mess. He begins the story as a spoiled rich brat who by happenstance seeks to become a "hero". But at no point in the story does he actually demonstrate any selfless motivations which might suggest his heroism is for any purpose other than his own entertainment or to soothe his ego. And sadly Jay Chou as Kato isn't much better. He's just as much of a hipster loser as Rogin's Britt Reid, but just a lot smarter and more physically capable. Cameron Diaz is mostly wasted in a part that seems mostly obligatory to get some great gams on screen. She does have great gams.

The story pits the Hornet against a villain (sort of) who can't seem to decide if he's a comedic character or not, and sadly fails to fulfill on either count. Chudnofsky or "Bloodnofsky" as he calls himself toward the end has some potential but it's largely wasted as the script twists and turns to suit individual scenes and the larger story.

Somehow I got the sense this story was about a son who discovers the nature of adulthood and the truth about his father and is at once empowered and redeemed by that realization, but whatever the intent of the story that's not what ended up on the screen as this Britt Reid remains a snot-nosed buffoon right through the end of the movie.

And finally I was frankly flabbergasted and somewhat horrified at the death count in this movie. Not only are random bystanders harmed without regard through most of the action, but the Hornet and Kato kill baddies without an ounce of regret or any sense of responsibility. Killing folks is just one more joke in this movie which demolishes any sense of heroism on anyone's part.

I will say the Black Beauty looked good. The action sequences with her are definitely the highlights, though the disaster drive through The Daily Sentinel building beggared belief and common sense by a goodly margin.

This is a dreadful movie which likely needed to titled "National Lampoon's Green Hornet", then at least we'd know what a sophomoric experience it truly is.

Avoid this one like the plague.

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